Anyone else hate ‘See you later’? Makes me want to respond, ‘No you won’t. You’ve never seen me before I pitched up at this checkout and as I’m in on my own tonight, you’re not likely to catch up with me then either!’

Unpleasant phone experience. Leaving my number for a client and can’t for the life of me remember what it might be. Frantic scrabble for a business card which I cover with a faux fit of coughing. How can memory desert you when you don’t want it to yet let you recall with distressing clarity the excruciating moment at a party when you discovered you’d got your dress tucked into your knickers?

Been putting off a cholesterol test for ages. Woman or wuss? I keep asking myself. Over the years have not behaved well when presented with someone in white who wants to take my blood. There are phlebotomists who’ve dealt with me, who’re still in counseling. However, challenges are for rising to. Swallow a couple of paracetamol  on a pain preventative basis and present myself at the surgery. They’ve installed a computer for patients to register their arrival. Slightly problematic, as it’s a touch screen and hand is shaking so badly I keep missing aimed-for icon.

Take my place in waiting room and have a swig or two of Rescue Remedy. Have also taken precaution of bringing cooling menthol stick used for headaches, in the hopes it might prevent me from coming over all unnecessary. In updating the surgery, they’ve installed a loudspeaker to alert the next patient. This is so loud it’s surely beyond a healthy decibel level. Every time it squawks, the whole waiting room jumps as one.

Woman next to me wants to talk. I don’t, so feign strong interest in hastily grabbed leaflet which turns out embarrassingly to be on STDs . We all jump a few more times. Hope there’s nobody in with a weak heart, then it’s my turn. Not easy to walk whilst finishing bottle of Rescue Remedy and scrubbing forehead with 4Head.

Phlebotomist takes one look and can tell she’s got a right one here, ‘Goodness’ she says flinching as wave of menthol hits her. ‘That’s a strong smell. Bit nervous are we?’ Concede that I am indeed but hope she isn’t. We laugh and she gets busy with the black rubber thing. ‘Just relax,’ she says. Relax? Relax is something you do on the sofa with the tv, not what you do when a woman who can’t see straight, because of menthol in her eyes, is looking where to stick her needle.

‘There, all done, not so bad. Just press down firmly.’ I smile, nod, rise and descend again quickly as room starts to fade. Not to worry I say, euphoric with the fact it’s over ‘Always happens, will just stick head between knees for a bit.’ Half an hour, 3 glasses of water and two and a half faints later, make my way home. Have rather complicated but vital business plan to write for a restaurant client, might just leave that for this afternoon – in his interests!